These Words shared by A Father That Saved Me when I became a New Father

"I think I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You require assistance. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a broader failure to talk between men, who continue to hold onto negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to ask for a respite - taking a short trip overseas, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."